As you can guess, this is a satire of "The Major-General's Song" from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance. This is about every tech worker's favorite menace, the infernal Pointy Haired Boss, herein referred to as the Pointy Hairéd Manager (that's Hairéd, with two syllables, rhymes with "Jared") in order to match the meter of the original. As is true for the original G&S, the protagonist of this song is accompanied by a Chorus.
PHB:
I am the very model of a Pointy Hairéd Manager
No matter what the enterprise, I can most surely damagee her
I've read the works of Freddie Brooks, Taguchi, Deming, and Crosby
Why anyone would listen to these loons is largely beyond me
I can produce pretty presentations using Powerpoint
(Sure they may be pointless, but that is precisely not the point)
A wizard writing org charts, drawing diagrams and processes
Sacking my subordinates and butt'ring up my bosses
Chorus:
Sacking his subordinates, and butt'ring up his bosseses
Sacking his subordinates, and butt'ring up his bosseses
Sacking his subordinates, and butt'ring up his boss-es-es-es-es
Chorus member (spoken):
Hey! It's "bosses", you stupid moron!
PHB:
I drive a BMW, though it is but a five-series
When I get promoted next, I'll buy myself a Mercedes
I climb the corporate ladder then I slide right down the bannister
I am the very model of a Pointy Hairéd Manager
Chorus:
He climbs the corporate ladder then he slides right down the bannister
He is the very model of a Pointy Hairéd Manager
PHB:
At my company I supervise a team of engineers
Most of them are hopeless nerds (except for one I'm sure is queer)
I couldn't tell a linker script from an object modeling tool
But that's not important 'cause I used to beat them up in school
I find intimidation an effective method to critique
(I'd rather call it "coaching", just the same, it is a fine technique)
I made up the schedule, so it's their fault the project's late
I'm tired of hearing whining how "there's too just much upon my plate"
Chorus:
He's tired of hearing whining how "there's too just much upon my plate"
He's tired of hearing whining how "there's too just much upon my plate"
He's tired of hearing whining how "there's too just much upon my plate"
PHB:
I don't know what I'm doing, but that's not a job requirement
So long as I can keep advancing, 'til I reach retirement
When it comes to ignorance, I'll fend off any challenger
I am the very model of a Pointy Hairéd Manage
Chorus:
When it comes to ignorance, he'll fend off any challenger
He is the very model of a Pointy Hairéd Manager
PHB:
I went to a diploma mill, 'tis where I got my pedigree
I majored in mixology, sororities, and LSD
Two point six (or thereabouts), I think, that was my GPA
I'd tell you more about it but you'd need to sign an NDA
Professors called me "lackluster", and said I wasn't very bright
Now I make more money than they do, ha-ha, I've seen the light
I'd tell them on the golf course, but I think that would be indiscreet
I've got a 20 handicap, but that is only when I cheat
Chorus:
He's got a 20 handicap, but that is only when he cheats
He's got a 20 handicap, but that is only when he cheats
He's got a 20 handicap, but that is only when he cheats...
PHB:
So I went into this field, to hide my gross incompetence
Considering the power I wield, that doesn't seem to make much sense
It's like handing car keys to a very horny teenager
I am the very model of a Pointy Hairéd Manager
All:
It's like handing car keys to a very horny teenager
I am/He is the very model of a Pointy Hairéd Manager
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